A.I. and Family Mediation
'Artificial Intelligence' (A.I.) tools can be helpful in family mediation, and more broadly in solving disputes during family separation. But with constant innovation, hype around new products, and concerns about risks and errors, it an be difficult to know how best to use this software. In this article, wholly written by expert family mediators, we explore how to get the best from A.I. tools.
What can A.I. be helpful in family mediation?
A.I. tools such as ChatGPT, Claude and Gemini can be helpful in drafting messages, generating ideas, drawing out common pros and cons, and having a conversation-like exchange.
For example, there may have been difficulties with child arrangements, and you feel that things need to work better in future. Prompting an A.I. tool such as ChatGPT to help you write a message (for example an email or WhatsApp message) that sounds clear and constructive, may help.
It is common to feel that what we have first written is too emotional, or will come across as confrontational. We may feel that there is a better way to order our points, so that the message is clearer. Writing briefly and clearly is hard; especially when emotions are running high.
A useful tip is to give our chosen A.I. tool a prompt, to guide it's responses in the right direction. An example may be: "I want my message to be clear, brief, and constructive. Suggest edits to my draft that help accomplish this aim."
It's best to occasionally try different tools, to test and compare them. Some commonly used tools that may have free versions are:
ChatGPT
Claude
Gemini
DeepSeek
Products, pricing and terms of use change regularly in this area, so it can be helpful to take a step back from our usual tool and see if a more suitable product exists. As well as pricing and performance, look at what the company is doing with your data (e.g. where and how long is it stored for, and if it used to 'train' the A.I. software).
Another example of helpful use of A.I. tools can be in brainstorming options. Due to the quantity of data in many of these tools, they may be able to suggest options you haven't thought of. Below is an example from ChatGPT, which was asked to 'Suggest a wide range of common schedules used for child care when parents have separated'.
As with all brainstorming, there will be many options that aren't suitable. But A.I. tools may show an option we haven't considered yet, and can help broaden discussions.
Be transparent about using A.I., where this has taken place. Being open in this way can help build trust in mediation.
What can't A.I. do in family mediation?
The issues tackled in family mediation are human problems affecting separating families, and technology can't solve these disputes alone. Like the range of other technology we have available, it is a tool, and it can be used well or unhelpfully depending on the situation.
A.I. can't know your aims for mediation and what will be best for your children. When appropriate, giving an A.I. tool (anonymous) information on your aims, the context, and background to your situation may make it's outputs more helpful.
A.I. can't make decisions for you. Joint decision making in mediation is done by the participants, and this has always been a core principle of family mediation. A.I. tools can't be responsible for making the final decision on proposals and plans you make with your ex.
A.I. cannot speak solely for you. While many A.I. products are very useful for helping us develop and articulate our thoughts, and communicate more clearly, you will still need to steer and direct the tool. You will need to carefully check it's outputs, and be fully responsible for what you decide to send or say in mediation. A.I. tools regularly make mistakes, so you will need to independently check any factual information it gives you.
Some analogue or existing digital tools may be more suitable and practical: physical handover books, calendars, phone calls, diaries, Parenting Apps, WhatsApp, email, and video-call, are some examples.
What are the risks of A.I. in family mediation?
There is widespread concern about the overuse or misuse of A.I. technology. Like any new tool, mistakes can be made. Some risks to watch out for are:
A.I. answers being wrong. A.I. answers always need thinking about, and fact-checking. A.I. often communicates in very confident style, but this should never be taken at face-value.
A.I. communication not reflecting your actual feelings and views. A.I. writing can help clarify and refine what we say, but it should not replace our own 'voice'. Check and confirm that an A.I. answer is a true reflection of your view.
A.I. brainstorming may not include options that are best for your family. A.I. will tend to give answers that are 'standard' and 'common'. Your family situation will be unique in some way, so the options you discuss in mediation may need to be broader and more tailored than those produced by A.I. tools.
Risks around confidentiality and legality of data use. Technology companies behind A.I. software are not always transparent around what is happening to the information you give it. Terms of use may change at short notice, or without you noticing. Mediation is confidential, and private, so it is vital that everyone's data, especially that of children, is treated legally and appropriately.
Lack of reality-testing and challenge. In mediation, a trained and skilled family mediator will use their knowledge and experience to 'reality-test' options and sensitively challenge options where appropriate. A.I. tools may be more inclined try to please the user, and be thoughtlessly positive.
Tips on using A.I. in family mediation
A.I. can improve drafts if prompted well.
A.I. tools make factual errors, watch out for them.
Always check an A.I. answer reflects your true aims and views.
Don't forget about existing technology that is tried and trusted.
Try a range of tools to see which is most helpful. If you've only used ChatGPT, try Claude or Gemini, and compare the results.
Be transparent when you use A.I.
Respect the confidentiality and privacy of all involved.
Decision making and responsibility rests with you as participants.
Please note:
This article was correct to the best of the author’s knowledge when posted, but products, prices and options do regularly change. Speak to us, or message us, for current information on family mediation, we're here to help: contact us. Mention of external products are not endorsements. Our posts are not usually updated to reflect changes that happen after publication. Any information provided is for general information purposes and does not constitute advice for your specific situation. If you require legal advice, please contact a suitably qualified solicitor.
A.I. declaration: no A.I. / Large Language Model (LLM) was used in the formation, drafting, or editing of this article.
