Is family mediation safe?
- Online Mediation
- Jul 16
- 4 min read
Family separation and divorce are some of the hardest times of our lives. People at all stages (considering, undergoing, or in the aftermath of a separation) can feel worried by many things. Sometimes people can even feel unsafe, or have serious concerns for a child's safety or welfare. An abusive relationship can follow on to an abusive post-separation situation, and many can wonder: is family mediation safe? What is the best option to resolve practical matters, move forward, and most importantly keep children and adults safe?
Safety is the first priority
It is always worth stating that safety is a first and ultimate priority, especially when it comes to any children involved in a separation or divorce. For those with immediate safety concerns, the police and local social services should be contacted without delay. For those in danger due to domestic abuse (including coercive and controlling behaviour) there are options for support: the charity Advice Now have a list of free help available:
Family Mediation and safety
Family mediation must be assessed as safe before it starts. To ensure this, we recommend a properly trained and regulated family mediator should be used. The term ‘family mediator’ is not a 'protected' job title (meaning anyone can call themselves a 'family mediator', even if they are not propely trained), so the best way to check a mediator is registered and fully trained is to find them on the Family Mediation Council’s public register: https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/find-local-mediator
Family Mediation is Voluntary, for all involved
A core principle of family mediation is that is voluntary:
“Participation in Mediation is voluntary and must be the free choice of each Participant at all times. The Participants and the Mediator are always free to withdraw.” FMC, Code of Practice
To ensure mediation is safe, a family mediator will first meet each person individually, for a meeting called a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting). Central to the MIAM is its confidentiality. This means that sensitive or private information disclosed to the mediator at the MIAM is for their ears only and will not be shared with the other potential participant. If agencies or other professionals need to be involved to ensure safety, a mediator act on this.
Using a trained and skilled Family Mediator
Family Mediators use a range of tools, skills and professional experience to assess whether mediation is safe. Each FMC mediator must also have a Professional Practice Consultant, who oversees their work, and ensures they have completed relevant training recently, such as training to screen for domestic abuse and coercive control.
The regulator of family mediation, the Family Mediation Council, have also recently rolled out new guidance, toolkits, and training to further develop the skills of mediators in assessing and responding to signs of domestic abuse.
Online family mediation and shuttle format
Over the last 10 years, family mediation has increasingly offered an online option, using video-call software for example. This means people can attend appointments from a place they feel comfortable and safe in. It is no longer necessary to travel in-person to the same location as an ex-partner. There is also the option to participate in 'shuttle' mediation, where the mediator speaks to each person individually, 'shuttling' between them. This means participants do not have to see or hear their ex.
Online and shuttle medation are not a fix for an unsafe situation, and mediators will continue to monitor for safety. But where mediation is a safe option, online and shuttle options can be a huge benefit for participants.
Safety screening throughout mediation
If the situation changes during the mediation process, you are always free to pause or stop. Please let the mediator know as soon as possible of any changes. The mediation process is voluntary, and this applies even after it has started. Many people have additional support in place during the process, such as a trusted solicitor, support worker, or charity service. It may be possible to bring someone to a mediation session for moral support - discuss this with your mediator.
As part of their professional standards and routine training, family mediators are always remaining vigilant to signs of power imbalance, control, and abuse. Family mediators will stop mediation based on their own professional judgement, if mediation is not safe or appropriate, even after it has begun. When mediation isn't safe or suitable, mediators will make appropriate referrals and give tailored information on support available and other options such as the court route.
The first step in family mediation - the MIAM
Family mediation must start with a confidential and individual meeting, the 'MIAM'. At this MIAM meeting, all options are discussed, including joint and shuttle mediation, legal support, court applications, arbitration, and much more. Joint or shuttle mediation remains voluntary, and the mediator will stop the process if it is unsafe. If you have legal queries, you should speak with a qualified family solicitor; we can assist with any queries relating to the mediation process: contact us. You can also book a MIAM on our website here.
Please note:
This blog was correct when posted, but processes and options can change so speak to us for current information. Our posts are not usually updated to reflect changes that happen after publication. Any information provided is for general information purposes and does not constitute legal advice. If you require legal advice, please contact a suitably qualified solicitor.