What to Do BEFORE You Apply to the Family Court About Your Children

Based on new guidance from Advice Now, a charity producing high-quality legal information for the public.

When parents separate, deciding how to care for children can be one of the hardest challenges. Many people think their only option is to go to court — but in most cases, the law expects you to try other ways to reach an agreement first.

1. Try to Reach an Agreement First

If it’s safe to do so, the court expects you to try to agree arrangements with your ex-partner before applying for a child arrangements order. This is because reaching agreement:

• Reduces stress for everyone

  
  

• Gives you control over decisions

  
  

• Is faster and less costly than court

  
  

• Is usually better for your children

If you can’t agree, you’ll need to try a non-court option such as family mediation, if it's safe.

2. Understand the Pre-Application Protocol

Before making a court application, parents must follow a pre-application 'protocol'. This is a set of steps designed to help families find solutions outside the court process.

Failing to follow the protocol can cause delays or even result in your application being dismissed. The court might also order you to pay your ex-partner’s legal costs if you don’t have a good reason for skipping the required steps.

3. Attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM)

Most people must attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) before applying to court. This meeting helps you understand your options, including mediation and other forms of non-court dispute resolution.

You may be exempt in cases of domestic abuse or safety. The MIAM is confidential, and you attend on your own to get help tailored to your needs.

4. Explore Non-Court Options

The family court recognises several ways to reach agreement without a judge’s decision:

Family Mediation: A trained mediator helps you communicate, identify issues, and make practical decisions about your children. It’s usually faster, less stressful, and cheaper than court. You start by attending a MIAM.

Collaborative Law: You and your ex each have specially trained solicitors who work together to find solutions.

Neutral Evaluation: An expert gives an independent view on what a court might decide.

Arbitration: A private, legally binding process similar to a court hearing but usually faster and more flexible.

Legal aid may be available for mediation, and you might also qualify for a £500 mediation voucher to help with costs. See information on costs here.

5. Keep the Court Updated

If you do apply to court, you must tell the judge what steps you’ve taken to resolve things out of court. You’ll usually do this using Form FM5 before each hearing.

6. Create a Parenting Plan

A written parenting plan helps parents record how they’ll share care of their children — including where the children will live, how they’ll spend time with each parent, and how decisions will be made.

Templates and guidance are available from Cafcass and through family mediators.

7. What Happens If You Don’t Follow the Process

If you apply to court without following the required steps, the judge can:

• Order you to attend a MIAM

  
  

• Pause your case so you can try mediation

  
  

• Dismiss your application if you ignore court directions

  
  

• Make a costs order requiring you to pay part of your ex-partner’s legal costs

Contact us with any queries on 0800 133 7303 or message us here: Contact us. Start to get help from an accredited family mediator by booking a MIAM here.

8. Getting Support and Advice

Mediation: Find accredited mediators via the Family Mediation Council.

Legal advice:

Resolution

– find family lawyers who promote non-confrontational approaches.

Law Society “Find a Solicitor”

– locate accredited specialists.

Child Law Advice

– free guidance on family law.

Domestic abuse support:

National Domestic Abuse Helpline (24 hours): 0808 2000 247

Live Fear Free (Wales): 0808 80 10 800

Men’s Advice Line: 0808 801 0327

9. Putting Children First

Even when it’s difficult, try to keep communication focused on your children’s needs. Parenting apps, separated parenting courses, and mediation can all help you co-parent effectively.

As Advice Now puts it: Court should be the last resort for your family unless there are serious safety concerns.

About Advice Now:

This article is based on “What to Do Before You Apply to the Family Court About Your Children” by Advice Now, an independent charity providing accessible, reliable legal information for people in England and Wales.

Suggested further search terms:

family court application, child arrangements order, mediation before court, MIAM meeting, family mediation England, parenting plan, non-court dispute resolution, co-parenting after separation, Advice Now.

Contact us with any queries on 0800 133 7303 or message us here: Contact us. Start to get help from an accredited family mediator by booking a MIAM here.