What young people say about separation

"We expect and need to be involved in the planning and decision-making around our Family Time. We may be feeling scared, nervous, or unsure if we are allowed to be excited and need your support to help share how we are feeling."

Young people have shared their views about how to best support them during family separation. This is part of the 'Family Justice Young People's Board' initiative. The project is supported by Cafcass, who advise the family courts about the welfare of children and what is in their best interests.

All the quotes here are from young people, who wanted to share their experiences of family separation. They have valuable insights for peers, parents, family, and professionals.

"I don’t want to be seen as on a parent’s time and hear the phrase ‘you’re on Mums time now/Dad’s time now’ as I am the one having to move in between homes”.

Young people thought their voices should be heard during separation:

"Make sure all plans for us are made with us."

"Nothing about me without me! I need to be the first to know what’s happening."

Where family mediation is taking place, the mediator can bring young people into the process, in a safe and appropriate way. This is called Child Inclusive Mediation. Children can meet with a mediator to contribute their views, when it's age appropriate. It is always voluntary for children to meet with a mediator, and they aren't pressured into making decisions or feeling responsible.

"My feelings changed a lot, I learnt it was ok."

"It’s ok to be confused."

“I hadn’t seen them in a really long time and they just didn’t know me and we struggled to get to know each other”.

“I think for me instantly I think about the pressure to say you want split time equally between parents or carers when you’re asked what you want. The guilt is so prominent, not wanting to disappoint someone or make someone upset by speaking the truth. Sometimes split time is good, but a child should have the right to change that if it is not working for them.”

“I should not feel that there is a divide in my family or hear bad things said about my other parent”.

Find out more about the Family Justice Young People's Board here: https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/children-and-young-people/family-justice-young-peoples-board

Find out about the work of Cafcass, and see their helpful resources such as template Parenting Plans here: https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/

For a longer read, the FJYPB Children's Book: In Our Shoes is available free here: https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/children-and-young-people/family-justice-young-peoples-board/fjypb-book-our-shoes

For more information on family mediation or child inclusive mediation, we can help. Contact us here.