'Parental alienation' is a deeply complex and emotional topic that can arise during family separation. It describes situations where a child expresses 'reluctance, resistance, or outright refusal' to spend time with one parent. This is sometimes attributed to psychological manipulation by the other parent and the term 'parental alienation' has become widespread.
The Family Justice Council has recently published groundbreaking guidance called 'Responding to a child’s unexplained reluctance, resistance or refusal to spend time with a parent and allegations of alienating behaviour'. The report is free to access and is linked at the end of this article. We summariese their key findings here and touch on how family mediation can assist. Every family situation is different and complex, and we assist each client impartially, based on their needs and the needs of their children. Contact us today if you have any questions.
Understanding 'parental alienation' and reluctance
The Family Justice Council (FJC) emphasises that a child's rejection of a parent can stem from a range of causes. These include what it terms appropriate justified rejection ('AJR'), where a child's resistance arises as a legitimate response to harmful or abusive parenting. It also explains that children may display reluctance due to alignment, affinity, or attachment with one parent (‘AAA’), without any manipulation occurring.
The FJC highlights that psychological manipulation, or alienating behaviours, must be clearly evidenced to be established in a Family Court setting:
"A court would therefore need to be satisfied that three elements are established before it could conclude that Alienating Behaviours had occurred:
1) the child is reluctant, resisting or refusing to engage in, a relationship with a parent or carer; and
2) the reluctance, resistance or refusal is not consequent on the actions of that parent towards the child or the other parent, which may therefore be an appropriate justified rejection by the child (AJR), or is not caused by any other factor such as the child’s alignment, affinity or attachment (AAA); and
3) the other parent has engaged in behaviours that have directly or indirectly impacted on the child, leading to the child’s reluctance, resistance or refusal to engage in a relationship with that parent."
This nuanced view challenges us to move beyond simplistic labels and focus on understanding the child's experiences and needs.
How Family Mediation Can Help
Family mediation provides a constructive, non-adversarial approach to address disputes related to child arrangements, including cases involving concerns of 'parental alienation' (or 'alienating behaviours'). Family Mediation creates a supportive environment where both parents can explore solutions with the help of a neutral mediator.
Here is how family mediation can benefit families:
1. Focusing on the Child’s Welfare
The FJC guidance reinforces the importance of prioritising the child's welfare above parental conflicts. Mediation aligns with this principle, helping parents shift their focus towards creating future arrangements that support the child’s emotional and psychological wellbeing.
2. Reducing Conflict
The guidance acknowledges that disputes over parental alienation can become highly adversarial in court, potentially causing further harm to children:
"These highly emotive tensions serve to polarise opinion in a way that is often counterproductive to the best interests of children and which shifts the focus away from the voice of the child."
Mediation allows parents to communicate in a controlled setting, de-escalating conflict and avoiding the emotional toll of prolonged litigation.
3. Giving Children a Voice
Mediation can provide opportunities for the child (or children’s) views to be heard in a safe, age-appropriate manner. The FJC stresses that children can feel dismissed during court processes:
"Care should be taken not to dismiss the voice of the child in the absence of compelling evidence to show that psychological manipulation has impacted on their capacity to freely express their wishes."
In mediation, child-inclusive practices ensure that children's experiences and perspectives are carefully considered when shaping agreements. Expert 'Child Inclusive Mediators' can meet one-to-one with children as part of the process to ensure they feel included and heard.
4. Exploring Supportive Solutions
Mediation encourages a forward-looking approach. This may involve helping parents discuss co-parenting plans that restore and rebuild relationships, and agreed interventions to support the child.
The FJC notes that in many cases, protective behaviours – such as a parent acting to shield a child from harm – can be misinterpreted as alienation. Mediation can help clarify intentions, build trust and understanding in a safe manner.
5. Minimising Delays
The Family Justice Council guidance underscores the harmful impact of delay in resolving these cases, as it can exacerbate emotional harm to the child. Mediation offers a faster and more cost-effective alternative to court action. The availability of the Family Mediation Voucher scheme, which offers £500 towards the cost of mediaiton sessions about children, has also improved access to services.
A Holistic Perspective on Family Disputes
The Family Justice Council warns against assuming that a child's resistance to one parent is definitive evidence of alienation. Instead, all potential causes, including domestic abuse, family dynamics, and emotional responses, must be explored. Family mediation supports this holistic approach by encouraging open dialogue and improved understanding.
"The behaviour of a child is not in itself reliable evidence of a specific behaviour of an adult. Thus, the mere fact of a child’s reluctance, resistance, or refusal to spend time with the other parent is not evidence of Alienating Behaviours simply because no other explanation can be found."
Through mediation, parents can work together to address these underlying issues in a constructive way, reducing the likelihood of further harm to the child.
Safety in family mediation: the confidential MIAM
The first step in family mediation is an individual meeting between a fully-trained Family Mediation and each parent. These are often called 'MIAM' sessions, which stands for Mediation Information and Assessment Meetings. This meeting is confidential, and will include discussions about safety and domestic abuse. Your Family Mediator will assess your family's situation and only proceed with mediation where you are both voluntarily participating, and mediation is appropriate and safe.
Conclusion: Supporting Families Through Mediation
Allegations of parental alienation are among the most challenging issues faced during family disputes. The Family Justice Council’s guidance offers a thoughtful framework for understanding the complexities involved, while family mediation provides a practical and compassionate solution. You can find the report online here.
By fostering cooperation, prioritising the child’s welfare, and addressing disputes in a supportive environment, mediation empowers families to navigate these sensitive situations in a way that protects and promotes the child's best interests.
If you wish to book your first individual, confidential MIAM session, you can book this on our website here.
If you have any questions about the family mediation process, feel free to call us on 0800 133 7303 or Contact Us.